does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
