At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
