Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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