Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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