goodnight i made you a song goodbye
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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