dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize