OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your penis caused this!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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