he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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