So gin and wine won't be happening again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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