Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
