I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
