Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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