Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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