There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
