The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize