he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
