You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
