im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
