FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
