Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My feet surprised me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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