Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We need a shit load of segways right now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize