You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
