This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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