I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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