U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize