Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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