I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
