I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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