apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
