I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
