I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
