My Higher Power is John Stamos
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
