I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
