people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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