It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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