So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize