He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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