I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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