he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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