i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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