i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had to cum in my sink.
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