it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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