its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
