I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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