We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
