so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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