then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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