hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
