There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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