i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
