Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
