I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
