Please, let me fuck your mom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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