you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
