At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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