The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
