i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
