Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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