My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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