what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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