I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
