I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
