lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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