Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize