Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
