Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
