So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
