Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
