a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
