You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
