shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
