There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
