I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
