The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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