oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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