Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
