Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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