hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
