I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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