I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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