hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
