you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
