It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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