You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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