How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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