OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
