everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
