I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize