i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
