Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
