the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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