allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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