Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
