I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
