NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You left your phone here
Wait...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
