Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
