I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize