I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
