goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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