I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
