sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize