dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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