I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
