I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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