You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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