Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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