I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
