Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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