One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
